In Sickness and in Laughs
I married my partner 28 years ago. I am blonde-haired (okay, truthfully, bordering on white-haired), Minnesota born and raised, and Catholic (I am a regular church goer, just not that often). He is from Cairo, Egypt, short, dark and handsome, a USA citizen since 1992 and a Muslim. We have totally different backgrounds, except for a few common characteristic traits that sealed the deal. Like me, he has a great family, likes to make jokes, travel and meet people from all over the world. It turns out that Bahgat (pronounced like a French baguette) is a pretty good partner. When I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in 1995, I was the mother of our two small children and didn’t want to leave this earth just yet. When I found out I would need a permanent colostomy to prolong my life, I saw it as an opportunity and it’s been a lifesaver and, in many ways, a life enhancer.
My husband’s humor came through while I went through the tests. We were lying in bed the night before my CAT scan and I was tossing and turning having a terrible time trying to sleep. This test would determine if the cancer had spread to my organs and if they would continue with the drastic surgery of a permanent colostomy, vaginal reconstruction, hysterectomy and an appendectomy. I started lamenting, “What if it’s gone into my liver, what will we do?” His response, almost like a quiet funny prayer—“Oh, liver alone!” Then we laughed at his corny comeback and shortly after I fell asleep. My husband’s coping mechanism was humor every step of the way and it helped. After the seven-hour-long surgery, I had tubes and wires coming out from all over my body. Bahgat leaned down close to me as I awoke from surgery and said, “Brenda, honey, right now, you look like the back of my stereo system.” I knew he would say the right thing to keep me laughing, even coming out of surgery.
Humor has been a coping tool for both of us. We decided early on to be honest about what it was like to deal with an ostomy. My first book, “If the Battle is Over, Why am I Still in Uniform?” illustrates how couples cope with adversity in different ways. One woman revealed to me that she was horrified each time her pouch made a noise, but her husband proudly stepped in to help. Each time a fluffy sound came out, he quickly said, “Excuse me!” and she fell more in love with him.
May you find the partners that help you lighten up, whether with friends, an ostomy or hospital support group or even medical professionals... they have excellent humor! Just ask my surgeon, known as The Rear Admiral! Partners are precious.
Brenda is a loud and proud member of the ostomy community and a good friend of Hollister Incorporated. She is an international keynote speaker, author and comedian.
Her books include: If the Battle is Over, Why am I Still in Uniform?; I’d Like to Buy a Bowel Please!; Bedpan Banter; It’s in the Bag and Under the Covers; and Your Glasses Are on Top of Your Head. You can find out more about her at livingandlaughing.com.